So, here you are. On your first date with “hot gym girl” or “cute subway chick,” take your pick, but it’s your first. You have taken the proper pre-first date preparations: A little relaxing in the bathroom, a little relaxing in your bedroom with the proper source of entertainment, and a little relaxing from Johnny Walker. And you are, so far, kind of into her, or at least into her cleavage which is out of her shirt, but you think she is not irritating which in your experience is already a win.

Three bottles of wine have been taken down and the conversation is really opening up. She is just starting to over-share and you can feel the fear setting in. She is going to ask you the infamous questions most girls ask on a first date. All questions that are far too personal, and well, that if you were honest in answering there would be no second date. In fact, if you answer these questions honestly, the first would turn into an espresso with yourself and a check that leaves you bitter and wondering what porn you are in the mood for when you get home.

So what are these questions, you ask, and how do you answer them without being honest, but while seeming like a “good guy” with integrity?

Ah, lets begin.

1. How many girls have you slept with? Let’s be honest. Guys have three numbers to answer this question. The first is the number that is by far the lowest and the number you tell your date. That is the number you must practice in front of the mirror, know the breakdown of each experience, name, base, whatever. But the key here is practice. The more you seem confident in this number the more she will believe it. Seeing really is believing so make her see it. The other number is of course the number you know is the real/right one which yes, includes all the _____s and the ____s (fill in the raunchiness here). The last number is the number you tell your boys, which is probably not too far off from the truth but maybe a bit higher depending on your audience.

2. Do you like/go to strip clubs? Hmm. Yes. You do and I do, trust me. But no girl wants to hear that on the first date. So you do the standard disgusted face, lean back in your chair and say with all of your heart, “I do if I have to, but I don’t like to go. I don’t even get turned on.” I would also throw in a few stories, as some of you may already do, about how your boys LOVE it and do awful demeaning things that you would NEVER do. Finish off your testimonial with another look of disgust and here is the line to use to make sure the subject gets put to bed (and her in your bed). Say, “Why would I need to go to the strip club when I could be around/with you?” Niceeee.

3. Are you into lesbian porn/girl-on-girl action? Again, hmm yes, and actually, so are we. But we, being women, won’t say that initially. We have to play the innocent card, at least until you pay the check, but you have to be careful with this one. This one could be a trap into getting more dirt on you, i.e. threesomes, porn/personal-time habits, asking you about other girls being hot, etc. all of which are trap questions and will get you nowhere except in the dog house and with no doggy-style. Women, by nature, are jealous creatures, and if you are wining and dining them, they are already semi-attached, whether to you or just the idea of a free meal, they are in knee deep at that point, so keep that in mind. Gently say, “Women are beautiful, especially you, but I would rather focus all of my attention just on you and making sure you are satisfied. One is better than two, when that one is you.” It rhymes so yes, memorize it and use it. You never know, she may think you are so great at that point, she may just ask her girlfriend to “join you.”

Hopefully, with your dignity intact and having avoided the three deadly first date questions, you leave the restaurant, dessert to go, cab heading back to her place to do much less talking. For now, consider it a success. But remember your answers from this crucial first night out. “Hot gym girl” may become your girlfriend and if you re-visit these subjects, be consistent, and if you aren’t, don’t blame me when she says she “feels like she doesn’t know you anymore.”

A PimpWiz Exclusive By RSJ

Labels: RSJ