Whether you met her on MySpace.com, True.com, the 6 train heading downtown, the gym (the one time you actually made it there last week), or at the bar (the cliché option of course), the first date is inevitable, as there is a first for everything, but this first is never easy.

Between mouthfuls of sushi and chugs of your beer (to make it a little easier to talk and her a little easier on the eyes), you’re trying. You are trying to do everything at once, and nothing that seems like you are trying: Ask the right questions, nod and pretend that you are interested, if you actually are interested, think about if it means you like her, look at her, but don’t stare at her (especially below the neck, well as little as you can), smile but concentrate on not having chunks of food in between your teeth…

And it seems challenging, the first date, but you walk away thinking that you managed to pull off a successful first encounter. But the truth is more men make first date mistakes than you realize. These mistakes are often not conscious mistakes, nor do they mean you are a bad person, but they will affect your second date records, leaving you dateless, with a lighter calendar and a heavier heart.

Here are a few first date don'ts:

1. Don’t let her pay. Let’s be honest, women have moved up in the world. They are kicking ass in the workplace, making money, and leaping ahead. They have become empowered by the “Sex and the City” generation and are loving life in the fast lane more than ever. But that doesn’t mean that chivalry is completely dead. Paying on the first date is a must. It sets in a motion the gender roles and her first perception of you, which you should hope is that you are a generous and selfless person (even if you and your boys know that you are really a stingy bastard).
There is no easier way to score points without having to do more than simply setting down your credit car at the end of the meal. Even if she attempts a “credit card dual” and takes her wallet out of her purse, pay for it and beat her to signing the bottom line. If you want to be the smoothest first date you can be, give the card to the waiter either when she is not looking or went to re-apply her lip-gloss, taking the pressure off of both of you – that is pimp. Empowered women may try to go Dutch or even pay, but no matter what, Visa or Mastercard, putting out cash at the end of dinner means she may put out after dessert.

2. Walk her home. Speaking of chivalry not being dead, when the date is over, walk, cab, bus, subway, train, carry her home. No matter what your means of transportation, make sure you get her to her door. Leaving her before that means you never want to see her again, or you have a second date waiting for drinks at the bar next door. Either gets you nowhere fast. Taking her to her door shows that you care about her well-being and her safety and that you actually have an interest in spending more time with her before the evening ends. And well, the truth is, if you don’t walk her home you have no chance of hearing her say “do you want to come up for a drink?” And we all know what that drink leads to, if there even is anything to drink upstairs.

3. Don’t look at other chicks. It is one thing to order food off of a menu and then casually graze at other diners’ food to make sure your decision was a solid one. It is quite another to look at other women when you are on a first date, wondering the same thing. Even if upon meeting her you know her myspace.com picture was a complete hoax (her 4 years ago and about 20 pounds lighter), you have to give her enough respect to look at her and only her for those next 2 hours (or hour and a half if you are lucky).

And even if she is cute and you like her, try to restrain yourself from looking at the girl at the next table who is well-endowed, or the ass of the waitress with a butterfly tattoo hanging out of her pants. Do whatever you can to focus on your date. In the initial phase of dating, the first date impression is more important than anything you will ever tell her or do. So for this one short span of great, or awful time, look at that one chick, and that one chick only.

But, as dating insurance and well, for efficiency sake, always have your business card in your hand and ready to be passed off to the well-endowed girl at the next table so that when you have paid the check, and are ready to walk her home, you are already attempting to land you next first date.

Ask Lauren

Labels: Ask Lauren, women