9.07.2006
"The Tests That No Man Can Pass"
Although the days of SAT's are over and you are long out of school, women will challenge you on a level of difficulty no professor or teacher has ever attempted. These tests are not meant to drive you crazy, although they may, nor are they because your woman doesn't like you. It is nearly because a woman's main objective is to feel as though they are your number one priority and the most important person (if not the only person) at all times.How do you know when you are being tested? When she asks you questions that have NO right answer; questions that no matter how you formulate a response, you are wrong; questions that have answers that will be held over your head and repeated back to you as ransom for your sanity everyday from that seemingly brilliant reply. All you can do to protect yourself from these tests is not to try to pass, nor just fail, but rather omit.
Remember those multiple choice questions on the scantron forms you frantically filled out with a number 2 pencil? Remember choice E, “none of the above?” Well, that is your saving grace. Always pick E and tell her you understand the question cannot be answered correctly. Call her bluff and give her the “I will not dignify that with a response” or the “aren’t we passed this” routine depending on where you are in your relationship.
Although she may initially press the question, and give you an eye roll or two, stick with it. She will either let it go as her self-ego confirming moment passes, or she will be kind enough to give you a break until the next dreaded and dead-ended pop-quiz is handed out once more.
"Are you attracted to my friends? Who are you the most attracted to?"
Anything that starts with "would you rather" and involves her, her roommate(s), and/or any hot female celebrity.
"Do you think I have gained/lost weight" and/or "Do I look bigger/smaller to you?"
"Do you think I am cooler than I am hotter, or hotter than I am cooler?"
"Do I look more cute, pretty or hot?"
"Do you think she (meaning any living female) is hot?"
"What do you think about when you fantasize?"
"After she has a fight with her parents she calls you and says God, aren't my parents so annoying?"
"Did you think I looked better in INSERT TIME i.e. high school, college, summer of 2004, yesterday, an hour ago?"
The real answer to dealing with these tests that you can't pass, is to acknowledge just that: You can't pass them. But your reward for putting up with each one, whether it's once a week or everyday, will be getting what you rightfully deserve...and that does not involve any tests or scantrons, and you may just be able to teach her a lesson.
A PimpWiz Exclusive By Lauren
Labels: Ask Lauren, Lauren Weiss, women
