2.27.2006
"The Enemy Within" By, Lauren
There is a time and place for everything. Once every month there is a time when a woman experiences a physical internal change, a feminine mystery that no man can ever fully comprehend. But at this time in her cycle, you notice emotional changes too, symptoms of near psychosis that make you question her sanity and keeps the 5 letter b-word close to your lips. You know it’s her time of the month, but the question is, how to keep this seemingly temporarily bi-polar woman in her place, and how you can get through her PMS without having to go MIA.
You know you are engaging with the “enemy within” her, when you are watching a re-run of Full House and she cries when DJ goes to her prom. You know you are in enemy territory when you ask her how her day was and she yells at you and says that question was
not good enough.You should have asked what she ate, how she feels about what she consumed and then reassure her she is the epitome of perfection. You know you are going to war with this volatile beast within when she tells you what she wants for dinner, you order it, and then she calls you an idiot when she takes a bite and is suddenly, “not in the mood” for that.
There are over 150 symptoms of PMS and up to 80% of women experience at least several of these every cycle. So how can you combat the enemy living within your girl? Here are a few tips to taming the beast and avoiding having to feel as though you are dealing with the Exorcism of Emily Rose.
1. The “customer” is always right. She is your customer; no matter what she says, you have to swallow your pride, or your thoughts to duct tape her mouth shut and shove her in a closet, and you must agree. Even if she tells you the left is right and up is down, just nod if you can’t get an “okay” or a “yes honey” out of you. She is a bomb waiting to go off and is waiting for you to challenge her so that she can explode. Be evasive and non-opinionated, or at least keep your real opinions to your boys or female friends that are not the enemy at that time. All you can do is sit tight and wait for the storm to pass, and if the storm gets too intense to ride out, throw her some Advil and run for your life.
2. Give her space. What better way to handle her PMS than to not handle it at all. Sometimes a woman just needs to be left to swim in her misery and to deal with her “I don’t know why I am crying” tears alone. But you have to be VERY careful as to how you avoid being with her. Even if she wants to be alone, and you don’t want to be anywhere near her, you have to keep telling her how much you wish you were right next to her and how deeply you miss her. The key to protecting yourself from the “enemy within” is to keep your enemies closer…make her feel wanted and important and she will be okay with letting you escape the wrath of her lady-friend.
3. Screw the enemy. Literally. Sometimes, even if she says, “I am not in the mood,” or “I am so bloated and feel gross,” having sex can release a lot of tension and push the enemy back inside where it belongs. The more intense the sexual experience the better. Let her take her emotional frustrations out on you physically. Just be sure to take precautions for a “clean” romp (to be non-graphic) and always offer her chocolate after.
Good luck gentlemen. This battle with the “enemy within” has and always will be a timeless war, one that men just can’t win, but you don’t have to surrender. Take control of her and make PMS the Problem Men Solve." [Via PimpWiz.com]
About Lauren Weiss:
Lauren Weiss, age 23, grew up in Westchester, New York. She graduated with Honors from the University of Michigan in 2004 and currently works in advertising in New York City. She loves dancing, dirty martinis, hitting the gym and traveling.
An ambitious thrill-seeker with a craving for adventure, Lauren lives for every moment, and every moment, lives.
Other Lauren Weiss Articles:
A New Breed of Woman
"Three Ways To Avoid "The Talk"
"How to Lose a Girl in Ten Seconds"
"It’s Halloween Again, This Year Go Home with Something Sweet
"What Her Drink Says About Her"
"Top 5 Ways to Get a Hot Girl From the Club to your Apartment"
"So You Got Her Digits, Now What?"
You know you are engaging with the “enemy within” her, when you are watching a re-run of Full House and she cries when DJ goes to her prom. You know you are in enemy territory when you ask her how her day was and she yells at you and says that question was
not good enough.You should have asked what she ate, how she feels about what she consumed and then reassure her she is the epitome of perfection. You know you are going to war with this volatile beast within when she tells you what she wants for dinner, you order it, and then she calls you an idiot when she takes a bite and is suddenly, “not in the mood” for that.
There are over 150 symptoms of PMS and up to 80% of women experience at least several of these every cycle. So how can you combat the enemy living within your girl? Here are a few tips to taming the beast and avoiding having to feel as though you are dealing with the Exorcism of Emily Rose.
1. The “customer” is always right. She is your customer; no matter what she says, you have to swallow your pride, or your thoughts to duct tape her mouth shut and shove her in a closet, and you must agree. Even if she tells you the left is right and up is down, just nod if you can’t get an “okay” or a “yes honey” out of you. She is a bomb waiting to go off and is waiting for you to challenge her so that she can explode. Be evasive and non-opinionated, or at least keep your real opinions to your boys or female friends that are not the enemy at that time. All you can do is sit tight and wait for the storm to pass, and if the storm gets too intense to ride out, throw her some Advil and run for your life.
2. Give her space. What better way to handle her PMS than to not handle it at all. Sometimes a woman just needs to be left to swim in her misery and to deal with her “I don’t know why I am crying” tears alone. But you have to be VERY careful as to how you avoid being with her. Even if she wants to be alone, and you don’t want to be anywhere near her, you have to keep telling her how much you wish you were right next to her and how deeply you miss her. The key to protecting yourself from the “enemy within” is to keep your enemies closer…make her feel wanted and important and she will be okay with letting you escape the wrath of her lady-friend.
3. Screw the enemy. Literally. Sometimes, even if she says, “I am not in the mood,” or “I am so bloated and feel gross,” having sex can release a lot of tension and push the enemy back inside where it belongs. The more intense the sexual experience the better. Let her take her emotional frustrations out on you physically. Just be sure to take precautions for a “clean” romp (to be non-graphic) and always offer her chocolate after.
Good luck gentlemen. This battle with the “enemy within” has and always will be a timeless war, one that men just can’t win, but you don’t have to surrender. Take control of her and make PMS the Problem Men Solve." [Via PimpWiz.com]
About Lauren Weiss:
Lauren Weiss, age 23, grew up in Westchester, New York. She graduated with Honors from the University of Michigan in 2004 and currently works in advertising in New York City. She loves dancing, dirty martinis, hitting the gym and traveling.
An ambitious thrill-seeker with a craving for adventure, Lauren lives for every moment, and every moment, lives.
Other Lauren Weiss Articles:
A New Breed of Woman
"Three Ways To Avoid "The Talk"
"How to Lose a Girl in Ten Seconds"
"It’s Halloween Again, This Year Go Home with Something Sweet
"What Her Drink Says About Her"
"Top 5 Ways to Get a Hot Girl From the Club to your Apartment"
"So You Got Her Digits, Now What?"
Labels: Ask Lauren, Lauren Weiss, women
