The Table Crashers-You drop big money on a private VIP table and the next thing you know, there are enough girls standing around you to have a female buffet. These girls flock to tables at clubs like a moth to a flame. They are looking for anything alcoholic and will even take it straight if there are no mixers. Go though their purse, they probably didn’t even bring a wallet with them. Table crashers are “drink scavengers” looking for a free buzz and will use anyone to get it. The trick is to take advantage of them: Get the cheapest bottles and keep their glass full. Just be sure to keep an eye on them because table crashers are infamous for disappearing when the bottles stop coming, so get some while you can

Dirty Martini-You are what you drink has never been so true. The girl who orders a “dirty goose” (a.k.a. a dirty with Greygoose vodka), is in the mood for anything and everything, but keeps her intentions subtle. She can handle things the way they are, and likes it “straight up” and “stiff.” Just like the olives in her drink, this girl is smooth around the edges and ready to get wet...often.

Red Bull & Vodka -“Red Bull gives you wings,” but Red Bull with vodka gives you enough energy to jump on the bar and shake your booty. This girl is not so subtle; in fact most are nostalgic sorority girls looking for the real “animal house” or a bar that has tables sturdy enough to be danced on. She is open to public make-out sessions and is the life of the late-night party. Just try to keep up!


Beer -She is the ultimate free spirit, fun-loving, relaxed tomboy who enjoys drinking games, the occasional house party, lives in jeans and laughs a little louder than the other girls. She is more likely to know what you are up to and see through your actions because she thinks like a guy…but if she is down for it, you won’t have too much trouble “tapping” this brew since she is accustomed to using bars as a medium to get some just like you!

Cosmopolitan -The ladies who love this ultimate pink drink are “Sex and the City” fanatics, tabloid loving, overly-made up chicks, who spend most of their time getting manicures or gossiping over lattes about the latest styles and hottest celebrities. She is easily taken home, not because she is easy, but because she can’t handle her liquor…two or three of them and she will be leaning against you whispering in your ear before the DJ even arrives. She is an easy win, but just as long as she is out since she can’t miss an episode of “Laguna Beach.”

Tequila Shots -She isn’t faithful, she isn’t able to walk in a straight line, and she can’t form a coherent sentence without falling into something to hold her up…so what is she? She is the ultimate drinker, who likes to do shots off of anything with a pulse, including her own chest (if flexible enough), and is sure as hell looking for a bed to sleep in other than her own. If you are looking for a good night, look no further. Jose Cuervo just has given you the gift of a guilt-free one-night stand. Let her do the guilt part the next day when her boyfriend asks her where she was the night before and she says…”um…I can’t remember…” which she probably genuinely can’t.

Wine Drinkers-Whether red or white, wine drinkers are sensual and romantic, know their own bodies, and want to know yours as well. They are the girls that want to “stay in and watch a movie”…with a bottle of wine at arms reach of course. They like to kiss, touch, savor every experience, and slowly appreciate it just as they do their wine. It just takes them a bottle of wine to loose their last few inhibitions and go from the couch to the bedroom as soon as the movie credits start rolling. The next time she asks you over for a flick, pick up a magnum bottle of her favorite vino and before you know it, your cork will be popped.

Pina Colada -First and foremost, double check her ID. Secondly, unless you want to talk about why her ex-boyfriend broke up with her for 3 hours and go home alone…walk away. And if you do leave with her, watch what you do…you may be getting a phone call from her father to tell you he is pressing charges for statutory rape because she is 14 years old. Stay away from these coconuts!." [Via Pimpwiz.com]

For more on the inner workings of women everywhere:
Check out these other PimpWiz.com exclusives:
"Top 5 Ways to Get a Hot Girl From the Club to your Apartment" By, Lauren Weiss
What Women Want From Men By, Kate Welsh
"So You Got Her Digits…Now What?" By, Lauren Weiss
An Open Letter to Western Men - By, Gregory Concord

Labels: Ask Lauren, women