Six Things Women Do In The Bathroom "Mr. Professional"
By, April Florio
So you "Have a great job." Obviously, or you wouldn't be able to afford the charge at the door. I must say that women of the world are pleased, and for that line you receive our utmost attention. A sigh of relief, pouring silently out of your "lady of the night's" mouth. In her mind "Thank God, because he was the passenger in that Escalade when he got my number and I agreed to come here with him tonight." But Fellas, after that you can breathe freely. Opposite of the directions on the back of a shampoo bottle, We've heard you! There is no need to repeat if desired.
At this point, discuss. Tell us what you do and how you got there. How much play do you seriously believe you'll get by staring at me for the rest of the night? Unless I'm as lonely and desperate as the dirty pair of Calvin's on your floor are to be washed; and join the others in the swirling, soapy waters of love- You'll have to talk, or I'm not going home with you tonight.
Nothing in this world comes free. Although you manage to be the pimp that you are, you should really put as much truth into your stories as well. I can't tell you how many complaints I've heard in the ladies bathroom about incessant talks of how "successful" you are. As far as what you think we "really" do in the bathroom, I'm here to fill you in.

1) Girls unite. Even if we didn't roll in with a friend, rest assured we've found a lovely vixen in the bathroom to talk to about you. Hopefully you were careful, and we didn't run into the last girl you took out. (Inside Information: This happens quite frequently.)

2) Re-application. We know if we create that Pam Anderson wet mouth, you'll be looking at our lips and not our breasts. Although we do use both as weapons. While putting on a new application of Mac LipGloss, we're sharing war stories of our separate dates. We will be giving your name, sign, and location so be sure to behave. The buzz from the bathroom spreads quickly around an establishment.

3) Calling our friends or family on the cell. Ever notice how you get service in the bathroom? We are either giggling about how white your teeth are to our mommies, or asking a friend to call in and act out an emergency. Don't you think it's weird that just after I return, Aunt Sheila choked on a rib?

4) Contrary to popular belief, we aren't dyking it out. Sure we touch eachother more than you men, but what's with the slapping of asses? We might be feeling a random woman's implants, but that's as far as it goes. Get in, get out.

5) We may actually need to use the restroom. There are many times I've hopped up from the bowl, and just smiled feverishly in the mirror on my way out knowing I will return to you.

6) Crawling out a window. If I don't return after about five to ten, go to the Men's room. Check to see if there are any windows. I may have escaped.

In other words if we are out on a date, be yourself. If you say you are a professional man with a job and a car then I give you two thumbs up. In this day an age you could win a trophy for "Man of the Year," with a personal resume like that. I know you think that's all we women care about but the truth is, it's not. Inconceivably we may actually like you. It wouldn't hurt to ask me a few questions about myself as well no matter how hard that may be for you. And Please, Remember these six bathroom secrets because I will have to "powder my nose" at some point.." [Via Pimpwiz.com]

Yeah, That's really her in the pictures. Thats how we do over here at Pimpwiz.com!

April Florio has appeared in magazines such as MAXIM, MARIE CLAIRE, ELLE, COSMO, PEOPLE, ETC. FILMS, TV, and MUSIC VIDEOS. April was feautured in MAXIM's 2005 Calendar AS "DECEMBER". She was also the campaign girl for Bijan Style Perfume Spring/Summer 2004~ keep checkin' in for info on April's newest adventures, including TV appearances, and upcoming films. More picture available of the lovely April Florio, Click Here .

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Labels: Ask Lauren, women