Dear Male Traveler,
Please heed my advice- DO NOT date the Vietnamese women. Unless you plan on taking one as a bride, do the women a favor and leave them alone. It will not turn out good.

Yes, they are very beautiful. Yes, they are extraordinarily sweet and innocent. Yes, they will wait on you hand and foot. And yes, they are sassy with Western men. DO NOT be fooled. These are not girls interested in a good time or a hot night. In fact, these ideas are as appalling to them as a nude beach or an all-night drinking binge. These are women who desire a husband, for richer or poorer, that they can follow to the end of the earth, cooking and cleaning and baring children. Not to say that is all they are capable of, but this is what their culture instructs them to be. And this is a culture they are not going to escape for a long time.

Opposite sex relations is very traditional in Vietnamese culture. Men and women remain largely separated from each other and are often seen holding hands and affectionately petting members of the same sex only. Courtship is quick and marriage the sole point of dating. What we would consider a “crush” is overwhelming love in their eyes. And, as a result of repressed sexuality, their fantasy life leaks into their real life and they often cannot tell which is which. So, while you may be enjoying the attentions of a delicate flower, they are most likely dreadfully and fatally caught up in a in Prince Charming fantasy in which you will whisk them away from their small village like some Cinderella story and take them to the magical Kingdom of the West. Their hopes for their future are placed solely on a dream, but it is no dream for them. And when you inevitably leave , as you always do, you leave behind a flower so crushed that it could severely damage her daily life. Plagued by images of you courting more beautiful Vietnamese women, she will not be able to concentrate on work and will be severely reprimanded by her ogre boss. Or, caught up in daydreams about the time you where there, she will cheerlessly traverse down the same roads you walked down together , (although in reality you never walked down them together because that would be wrong. You actually had to trail 10 feet behind her to make it proper) she will absent mindedly walk these avenues putting herself in harms way as the motorbike traffic dodges the cheerless dreamer.

Have you ever been to a wildlife preserve and a conservationist sternly warns you not to feed the wild animals? He is not saying this because he is a mean, green tree hugger. It is because your food is foreign to the animals’ stomachs and can give them digestive problems. You have bacteria on your hands that they have no natural immunity to and it can be fatal to them. Or, even worse, you may make them bold and brash around humans so that they venture further and further into people’s territory, eventually leading to their destruction when they are deemed ‘dangerously inappropriate.’ Well, think of Vietnam in much the same manner. From dating the women to over-paying beggar children- you can’t imagine the repercussions. But they are there, they are very real, and they will be repercussing long after you haul your sorry ass out of town.

Although you may be reading this, you may already be thinking how it won’t happen to you, how you can avoid these same issues. Well, you can’t. While you, in the end, at best might leave town with a dreamy heart and fond memories, you will inevitably leave behind a girl who will wait for your return until the end of time, or a heart so broken that it would be like crushing a newly blossomed flower. And if you think maybe you will at least hook-up for a night - forget about it. Not gonna happen. You can’t even walk down the street next to your partner at risk of them being labeled a whore for as long as they live in that town, which will be forever since they are too poor to ever leave .

So, unless you plan on taking her to the alter, don’t take her to dinner. And if this is still not enough to convince you to look but not to touch, picture your worst, most heart-wrenching breakup ever. Remember that psycho ex-girlfriend who somehow became your girlfriend without you knowing when or how? And when you try to kick her to the curb her pained look haunts you in your sleep. She will find you and recount your broken promises one by one. And while you don’t remember actually making these promises, she will almost convince you that you did actually say it, twisting your every word into a slipknot. And as you try to talk yourself out of it the noose only gets tighter and tighter.

Look, I am not innocent here. Obviously I am talking from experience. But I am regretful. So, heed me now- although the fruits of temptation may lay low in Hoi An, the lotus blossom floats delicately down the Mekong, the apples of desire lie deliciously all around Ho Chi Minh the taste is not as sweet as imagined and it will linger for a long long time in the mouths of all parties involved.

Sincerely,
A Regretful Traveler

Labels: Jet Setting